So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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