haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
