Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
