I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
