I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
