apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My balls are so social today.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
