so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
