I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize