My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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