He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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