I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
