That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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