i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
