Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
