i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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