It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
