I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize