he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
