I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
