Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
