Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we're making bets on your personal life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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