dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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