I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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