the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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