Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
