I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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