TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
high people should be assigned attendants
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
