As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
