Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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