I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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