Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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