please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
