Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
