I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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