Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
