My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
