my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
