He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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