She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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