he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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