i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
