Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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