last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
