I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
