In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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