i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
