We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize