I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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