Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
