i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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