We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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