And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
