I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
