no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
