that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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