Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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