Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
