I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My ass is underappreciated
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
