the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
