I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
