He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
