You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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