i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
