Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
