fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
