It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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