I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I could fuck to npr.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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