just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
