I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize