your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
