I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize