While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
