he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
