i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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