census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
