Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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