he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
