NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
