is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
