dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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