Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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