you're like a bully in the Christmas story
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
