I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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