I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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