Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
