someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
