Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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