I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think your dad took our porno
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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