We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
