we made out on top of his cat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
