the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
