did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
