So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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