Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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