I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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