I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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