So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
