Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
