She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
